The seven step program for discrediting and demolishing labor
unions, the last safe haven for America's working men and women.
Step right up ladies and gentlemen to one of the greatest money making opportunities
on earth. This is not a pyramid scheme or telemarketing scam, in fact there
literally is Nothing To Sell and you can get it all, right here, right
now, with No Money Down!
- Have a popular conservative figure stand up and proclaim that he is just
trying to defend the working man, by accusing organized labor of being MOB
influenced. Make sure that the general public believes that this has nothing
to do with the fact that it's an election year and your figurehead needs
Big Business to fund his upcoming record spending political campaign.
- Find something for the Justice Department to become involved. Something
old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, it doesn't matter.
And if they refuse, accuse them of being politically controlled by organized
Labor's PAC monies, that should get them right on board. Make sure you get
the Justice Department to appoint a special persecutor, um prosecutor (Inspector
General) to manipulate, um investigate, anyone in the union who may have
enough brain matter to oppose the witch hunt. And for icing on the cake,
use the ordinary everyday citizens general belief that every person with
an Italian surname is somehow a member of Organized Crime.
- Give the special prosecutor the keys to the safe and make sure he knows
you never really counted the money so what he spends over the next say,
4 or 5 years really doesn't matter. And if anyone questions the cost
of the prosecutor, make sure you accuse them of being "in on the conspiracy"
and mention that their tax returns may get red flagged by the IRS
if they don't "dummy up".
- Make sure everyone sees this as a "clean-up" to rid the unions
of "unsavory characters". The general public always sides with morality
and integrity, so by all means try not to laugh when you peddle this sack
of you know what.
- Keep attacking! Use words like "clean-up" and "associate"
and keep your descriptions vague, no one will question what your definitions
really are, everyone likes to think that they're really in tune, so they
won't dare ask. But just in case they ask for an explanation, make sure
you accuse them of being "part of the problem", that will back them right
off for sure, no one wants to be known as an "associate".
- Sooner or later your special prosecutor will find something. You would
be surprised what people will say or do for a million dollars like, live
on a deserted island for 60 days and eat rats, marry a complete stranger,
tell stories to get out of jail free, who knows.
- Make sure you keep a straight face when you say the report and the special
persecutor, sorry prosecutor, are totally unbiased. And give that
look of shock when you tell everyone how disturbed you are by the evidence
in the report. And last but definitely the most important, make sure the
special prosecutor gives a very long very, very scary report, with
a long list of scary names and pictures. These kinds of things work
great with the general public, even if your evidence is at most sketchy,
one picture or mention of a guy getting "wacked" in the same report
as the name of a union official, is more than enough evidence to have that
union put into trusteeship.
Of course there is no real proof that this 7 step program will work every
time, so make sure your special prosecutor is a relative or an associate,
(it's ok for you to have an associate, after all you are the good guys).
No matter what the outcome, if you follow the simple steps that are outlined
here you won't have to get on television to find out "Who wants to be a
Millionaire?"
